I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
