I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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