Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
