my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
