What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
