if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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