Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
