He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
