That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
