Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
