After last night, I could never be a politician.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
