at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
