She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
