can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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