I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize