Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a beard to bite.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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