return my video game
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
