okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
