i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
