This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
