How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
