I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
