then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
