Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
