Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
