I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
