you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
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Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
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When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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