grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
