im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
