oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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