I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
