My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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