why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
