even my farts smell like vagina
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
