??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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