he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
