how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
