Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
