I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Help. Why am I so naked?
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