honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
