Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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