He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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