I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
