Who wears a wallet chain?!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
