i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
