Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
