Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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