after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
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I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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