know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
