she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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