i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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