3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
