I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
