We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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