my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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