When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
