Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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