He told me they were just razor bumps!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
