Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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