my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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