Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
