boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
