I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
