Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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