i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
