My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
