I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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