Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
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Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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