I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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