it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can't put those talents on a resume
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
